A storm is coming, Marvel. And it’s an Avengers sequel like never before.
Three trailers have been released ahead of the film, and the buzz for The Avengers: Age of Ultron is catching on like the common cold.
Following in the footsteps of franchises like Spider-Man, The Avengers: Age of Ultronhas collaborated with 50 brands in India for promotions. This is a record of sorts: it’s almost double the number that the SRK-starrer Ra.One managed. Some of the desi brands that the movie has associated with are Hero Cycles, Funskool, Liberty and Pantaloon among others.
With such aggressive marketing in India, it wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine that the next Avengers could potentially be set in Mumbai. If that were to happen, here’s a bunch of pointers to keep in mind:
Hulk, don’t smash
Chances are with the noise pollution in our cities, Hulk’s usual tactic of roaring won’t work in Mumbai. Because even the incredible Hulk won’t be heard over the cacophony of horns and traffic at office hour. His bigger problem however, will be Mumbaikars: people will either ignore him or roar right back. Chances are the standard response to Hulk, smash would be, “Aye garden mein aaya hai kya? Apne ghar mein jaake todh-phodh kar.” (“You think you’re in a garden or what? Go home and smash things.”) Also, given the quality of most building constructions, it seems unlikely any of our skyscrapers will be able to deal with the Hulk landing on them. Also, the last thing the Hulk wants to do is have to deal with the bai who so does not want to have to clean the place up after he’s smashed.
Get a cotton suit
In April in Mumbai, none of the Avengers’ suits would last. Hulk is probably the only one dressed for the weather (ie, nothing but torn pants). First of all, we have one word for Iron Man. Rust. Enough said. That said, since Tony Stark is a genius, perhaps he can use his his IQ to deal with the effect of Mumbai’s humidity and to install an air conditioner inside his suit.
Captain America and Black Widow should ditch the spandex suits and include some cotton in their wardrobe. They would look stellar in a dhoti and nauvari sari, wouldn’t they? Sigh, the visual. Also, in the off chance that Captain America has a wardrobe malfunction, he has a shield to protect his modesty.
Ear plugs for a News Hour debate
Speaking of roaring, can you imagine the Hulk and Arnab Goswami going head to head?
Goswami: “Never, never, never, never growl at me like that, Mr. Hulk. You may be green and have Mark Ruffalo as your alter ego, but I have –“
Goswami: “ROAR RIGHT BACK”
Maybe Goswami could do an interview with Thor. We imagine it would go something like this.
Goswami: “So Mr. Thor. Where did you come from and are there more of you on Earth?”
Thor: “I was actually exiled from Asgard…”
Goswami: “THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE!”
Thor: “I’m here on a mission to save –“
Goswami: “PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTION BEING ASKED MR THOR. DON’T SHOW ME YOUR HAMMER MR. THOR. I’M A JOURNALIST AND I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED!”
Vada pav: A ticket to fitting in
In the post-credits scene of The Avengers, Iron Man suggests they go grab some shawarmas as reward for saving the world. When they’re in Mumbai, they’ve got to snack on some good, authentic Maharashtrian fare: the vada pav. There’s no better way to bond with the average Mumbaikar than to stand at a vada pav stall and chat about life in the city. Apart from more easily available than shawarma, they’re wholesome, spicy and the deep-fried goodness will make sure that they replenish the fat that they’ve burnt while battling bad guys. Add to that some cutting chai, and The Avengers might as well get themselves “Me Mumbaikar” T-shirts.
‘Aila! Apli Robin!’
Way before The Avengers became popular in India, How I Met Your Mother was every teenager’s sitcom anthem. Itwas the F.R.I.E.N.D.S of the late 2000s and one of the show’s most popular characters was Robin, played by Cobie Smulders. Smulders has a bit part as Maria Hill in The Avengers series. Abroad, Smulders might be small fry in the star-studded cast of The Avengers might not get her too much attention in the West, but here in India, she’d be mobbed. If she’s on the streets of Mumbai, there’ll be a lot of people yelling, “Ay, Apli Robin!” (Hey! That’s Robin!) We recommend a mask, a la Krrish. Or maybe the huge sunglasses that Bollywood stars prefer.
Quicksilver, take the local
Nobody can survive the python crush that is Mumbai traffic. Not even Quicksilver with his superhuman speed. He can run all he wants — faster than the speed of light even — but the only thing that can defeat superhero physics is the red light on a Mumbai road. We suggest he take the local trains to travel from one point to another. Quicksilver on a local train — he could perch on top if he’s feeling daring or dangle from the door a compartment to ensure a quick exit — would give a whole new meaning to “Borivli Fast”.
Take a break: Cricket at shivaji park on Sundays
Whatever happens in the film, an Avengers film set in Mumbai has to end with the superhero set playing cricket in Shivaji Park. It doesn’t matter if the Iron Man’s suit is too iron-y, or that you can’t use hammers and shields in cricket. Nothing says “All is right with the world” like a cricet session, on Sunday morning, in Shivaji Park, under the watchful gaze of Shivaji himself. The Avengers XI versus all the local hopefuls — it would be a beautiful game indeed.